Losing Faith

I'm still not sure if I am ready to change.  I don't know if I'm even capable of quitting my addiction.  But what I do know is, if I don't do something, I'm going to lose everything.

My girlfriend called me on her lunch break and I told her how I've been looking for support groups and that I found one to go to tomorrow evening.  I also admitted to her I'm struggling because I'm having an incredible, almost unbearable urge to have sex or to masturbate.

There is a coldness, through the phone line that I can feel.  Her response was a quick reply of "go for it" in regard to the support group.  I either have some sort of emotional./spiritual/mental connection to her or I know her well enough to know her thoughts.  I know she wasn't happy about me being horny.  I push her into divulging her feelings.

"I just don't know the extent that things will return to normal," Kay explains.  "It was just yesterday."

Great.  She doesn't know when she will want to have sex with me again. It's understandable and I'm not really surprised, but it's the very last thing a sex addict wants to hear. I feel myself wanting to give up right then and there.  A part of my body wants to leave her, though everything in my heart and soul speaks differently.

I'm starting to wonder if it will be like it was with my ex all over again--where we try to fix it, but the cheating always comes back and puts a wedge between us. I don't want it to be over with Kay, but I'm losing faith in the relationship.  No.  That's not true.  I'm losing faith in myself.