I had my SA meeting tonight. I rode my motorcycle there as I usually do. Normally I am a very safe rider. I obey the speed limits and am very defensive in my riding. This evening I found myself having an overwhelming desire to just gun it. I majorally had a need for speed, and I did end up exceeding the legal limits for the area I was riding in.
With this feeling and the fact that I have been so restless and hypersexual, I'm starting to think I may be experiencing some hypomania associated with my bipolar disorder.
For those of you who don't know much about bipolar disorder: Bipolar disorder is a characterized by mood swings. The individual at time experiences extreme highs known as mania and other times will experience extreme lows, known as depression. Mania symptoms include impulsivity, decreased need for sleep, restlessness, rapid/pressured speech, grandiosity, spending sprees, reckless behavior, and hypersexuality. Hypomania is experiencing a less severe level of mania.
I am definitely experiencing restlessness, reckless behavior, and hypersexuality.
This could mean that I need an increase in my medication, specifically Lamictal. Lamictal is an anti-epileptic medication that was discovered to be a successful mood stabilizer for individuals with bipolar disorder. I began the medication about seven years ago and have had excellent results with it. I have had to have a few increases across the years. It has been about four years since my last adjustment. It could be time.
The thought of medication upward titration scares me.
Is the medication losing its effectiveness? Will it eventually completely lose it? If so, then what? Will I be able to find a new medication that will work for me? Will it have side effects? Or will I begin trial after unsuccessful trial, ending up losing control of moods like is often the case with individuals with bipolar disorder?
It is a very scary prospect for me. I have been so healthy and stable in regard to my bipolar disorder for many years.
I have seen family and friends suffer greatly from their bipolar disorder. I don't want that to be me.
