Getting so much better all the time.

I played Beatles rock band for about an hour and a half. Feeling so much better. I'm so excited that I found a release.  And it didn't mean losing my sobriety.

I had another temptation crop up right after, however. It didn't cause me to become aroused though, but it could have turned that quick.

They are doing this thing on facebook where females are suppose to put in their status where they like to put their purse/handbag, and they are suppose to make it sound sexual.

One of the my ex-fuck friends put as hers "on the bedroom floor."

One time she and I had sex while I was on a conference call for work.  So I responded, "when on a conference call?" And she "liked" my comment.

A flag immediately pops up for me, like an erection.

Does this mean she just likes the memory?  Or would she like to re-live it?

My temptation is wanting to ask her.  Or to play off it to test the waters. But I know I will find myself treading in dangerous waters if I do.

I just got relief and am feeling 95% better, I don't want to go back to that.

But it is so tempting. She is just so hot!  She reminds me of Natalie Portman, who is, of course, sexy. She's this cute little Cuban thang that I can pick up and she wraps her legs around me.

Okay, I have got to stop right there.

But thankfully, I found an outlet to help me feel better.  Something other than sex or lust.

And It held me off until Kay got home.

Yes.  The three hours finally passed.

Kay came home.

And now I feel so very much better.

Three Hours to Go

Having a tough morning so far. I'm really horny. The temptation to act out is burning inside of me, bubbling like lava, rising to the surface.

If someone was available to act out with, I honestly would end give in.

I'm not much of a masturbator. Not anymore any way. I don't really care for it.  Mostly because it just makes me even more horny.  And once I start, it's hard for me to stop. I'm insatiable. What often happens is that I just do it until I get so exhausted that I fall asleep. Then by the time I wake up, the horniness has lessened to at least a less severe degree.

I don't have time for a nap right now.

I just realized the failed logic of this statement. I don't think I have time for a nap, but if I had someone available to fuck right now, I apparently would have time for that?

When I was a kid, I seriously would masturbate for an hour. I would do it until it got to the point where I was numb and just couldn't feel anything anymore. Old habits are hard to break. And, needless to say, I have a really strong right hand, wrist, and forearm.

But even the temptation to masturbate is growing almost unbearably.

I have this heaviness in my chest, making it difficult to concentrate, when I'm suppose to be working.

I've done some mild flirting with a co-worker and a bit on Facebook. It's so hard not to. It's like taking puffs off a cigarette. At least for me. I'm not a smoker, so when I do a drag, I get a buzz from it.  I get a buzz from flirting.

I'm so tempted to look at craigslist.


I need a little black book for booty calls. No.

No I don't.

I need to get better. I need to overcome this illness.

My leg is bouncing again.  So much pent up energy.

And Kay won't be off work for another three hours. Can I survive it?

Of course I can, but it's going to be miserable.

I messaged Kay. I had to do something. I'm a wreck, sitting here crying. I just need to release. I just need to come, but then I give up my sobriety.

I have to wait until she gets home.  But three hours?

That's like holding urine for three hours when you already feel like you're going to burst.

Three hours?

That's like waiting three hours to eat, when you've already gone 48 hours without food.

Three hours?

It's like going without water when it's 100 degrees outside.

Can you understand?  Can anyone understand what it's like?

I have three hours to go.