Today has been a tough day for me so far. I had dreams last night about the sexual perpetrators from my childhood, and then just about sex and masturbation in general. It was hard not to wake up and masturbate. Of course, I woke up aroused. Obviously, I woke up wet. Unfortunately, my girlfriend was sound asleep and does not appreciate being woken up for sex. Unfortunately, masturbation is a violation of "sexual sobriety."
Then in my social psychology class today we were talking about attraction. Our professor showed a clip from Four Weddings and a Funeral.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U_uKO6LIWLA
This clip talks about how many sexual partners the character played by Andie MacDowell has had, as well as a little bit of the details of the sexual relationship with each of her partners. This sort of thing is hard to hear without causing you to think about your own sexual experiences. I also began to fantasize. In the movie she has had over 30 sexual partners. Suddenly I feel so dwarfed. I haven't had even close to that, and it makes me feel competitive all of a sudden.
We also talked about the Bonobo chimps and how they have a make love, not war attitude.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KagyO9zS_ro
Then in my social psychology class today we were talking about attraction. Our professor showed a clip from Four Weddings and a Funeral.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U_uKO6LIWLA
This clip talks about how many sexual partners the character played by Andie MacDowell has had, as well as a little bit of the details of the sexual relationship with each of her partners. This sort of thing is hard to hear without causing you to think about your own sexual experiences. I also began to fantasize. In the movie she has had over 30 sexual partners. Suddenly I feel so dwarfed. I haven't had even close to that, and it makes me feel competitive all of a sudden.
We also talked about the Bonobo chimps and how they have a make love, not war attitude.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KagyO9zS_ro
(gets "interesting" around 2:45)
Basically, the chimps are constantly performing sexual favors for one another. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm definitely NOT thinking about having sex with a chimp. It just makes me curious about the lifestyle. The idea of living in a community where everyone performs sexual favors for one another and it becomes a conflict resolution.
My childhood often consisted of me resolving internal conflicts with masturbation. Taking my mind off what was bothering me. Relieving stress or anxiety. Or making me feel good when I felt sad or depressed.
It has grown into a coping mechanism.
Sex. Orgasms. They are part of my antidepressant regimen..
Needless to say, I am definitely sexually aroused right now. It's hard for me to shake the feelings. It's so tempting to act out.
Examples of acting out for me would entail, masturbating, looking up girl-seeking-girl ads on craigslist, flirting through Facebook or text messages, trying to set up a hookup with someone, or even seducing my girlfriend. The latter of which, I certainly am going to try to when she and I get home from school today.
Wish me luck.
