Missing Motivation

My name is Lolita and I'm a sexaholic.  My sexual sobriety is...three days.

It was suppose to be one month.  I had been so excited to get that one month chip.  But I blew it.  I couldn't wait two minutes for Kay to get back from the bathroom.  And I masturbated.  Throwing away a month of sobriety.

I was looking forward to talking at the meeting tonight.  I had a lot I wanted to share and needed to get off my chest.  But, there was a new person at the meeting tonight.  When a new person comes, the format of the meeting changes.  There wasn't enough time for me to talk.

I almost started crying at the end of the meeting.

I ended up staying after and talking to one of the group leaders.  I talked to him a bit about what I've been going through lately.  I got the name and number of a lady to call about being my sponsor.  Now I just have to find the courage and motivation to call.

I also need to find the courage and motivation to call my psychiatrist's office tomorrow and schedule an appointment for a medication increase.  I'm still struggling with my bipolar disorder.  I'm no longer hypomanic.  Now I'm having crying spells.

I seem to be missing the motivation lately.